The Deer

It was about 17 hours after Jeremy died; approximately 8am on August 10, 1998. I just woke up from spending the night in my parents' bed. We sobbed all night in shock and grief. I eventually dozed off out of sheer exhaustion. My parents weren't so lucky. They were up all night. It was their sobbing I first heard when I woke.

My father and mother were sitting on the swing in our backyard. They began to pray and my dad proposed a question to God. I think it was rather risky. Some people say you shouldn't pray this way. I think my dad even doubted if God took such requests. But he prayed it anyway. He had to. They were desperate for peace.

His prayer was this, that God would send them a deer in the yard as a physical sign that Jeremy's okay in heaven.

God's answer shouldn't surprise you. Within a few minutes my parents heard branches breaking behind them. It was their heaven-sent deer. In fact it was a baby fawn. As if that wasn't good enough, God brought a deer to our yard every day for the first week after Jeremy died. (We serve a loving and gracious God.)

Did He stop there?

Nope. I think it was on the 6th year anniversary that Jeremy died. It's our tradition to go up to Hagg Lake and throw a rose on the water where he took his last breaths. It was a cold and foggy morning. No boaters were out. It was powerfully silent and peaceful. It almost felt a bit eerie. As we huddled together, something caught the corner of my eye. To our right, a deer stepped through the trees and made its way to the water for a drink. I can't explain the moment. It felt surreal. Once again, God was communicating to us that all was well.

Well surely God was gracious enough already, but He wanted to remind us again of Jeremy peace in his heavenly home. He chose a very, very special day.

It was my wedding day. September 3, 2005. I spent the morning getting ready with my friends at a hotel downtown Portland. We went and got pedicures and made our way to Jake's house where the ceremony and reception would take place. I was a bundle of joy that day. Singing and dancing. Laughing with my girls. No nerves. Just playfulness and happiness! Being with the people I love the most! But I knew one person would be missing: my brother. I knew this moment was coming. I thought about it not even 24 hours after Jeremy died back in 1998. I pictured my wedding day without my older bro there to pick on me in my white dress!

The ceremony was nothing spectacular. The sun was setting. Our three hundred guests worshipped with us and watched us say our vows. It was probably only a 20 minute ceremony. Nothing fancy.

When it was all over and as our guests made their way to the front yard for the reception, we went back into the house with the pastor and 'witnesses' to sign our marriage certificate. As we were signing, someone asked us if we had seen 'it'. I thought that was an obvious answer. Yes I saw the wedding! (I really wasn't in a cognitive state of mind as you can tell) Thankfully the person clarified: Did we see the deer in the orchard behind us?

I immediately looked at Jake and tears began rolling down my cheeks. God sent a deer on my wedding day. A few other people mentioned to us the deer but not everyone saw it. Although I didn't see the deer myself, (I was a little busy) God made sure I'd get the message. And I did. Loud and clear. Just as Noah had rainbows, my family has four-legged friends to remind us of a precious gift we were given, and who now is in His tender care.

Oh, did I mention my brother's favorite worship song the year before he died?

As the deer, panteth for the water so my soul longeth after you.
You alone are my heart's desire and I long to worship you.
You alone are my strength, my shield.
To you alone may my spirit yield.
You alone are my heart’s desire and I long to worship you.