Emptying It All on the Sifting Table

What do you think about the death penalty? Put that idea in your pocket for a moment. Your views on abortion, Critical Race Theory, racial appropriations, and sex education in schools. Stick those in too.

What do you think about lying on your tax forms? Or 'innocent' flirting with your married coworker? Or mask mandates? Or God himself? Those too, in the pocket they go. Stick all your ideologies, beliefs, and opinions in your pockets (if you're wearing skinny jeans, you've got some bulging pockets!).

Now imagine walking into a blank room, completely empty except a large ominous table sitting in the middle.

You walk up and start turning your pockets inside out, dumping it's contents on the table - lint and all.

This is what God asked me to do a few months ago. I can't remember how or where, but this phrase 'empty your pockets onto the table' was a deeply personal, spiritual invitation. And it came with a clear understanding: God gets access and authority to sift through the contents of my table. To correct. To throw away. To affirm. He gets final say.

Although the invitation was clear, the implications for me were, and are, messy.

In 2011 I worked at George Fox University as a campus visit coordinator for prospective students and families. The summer slowed down as campus emptied of students, which is when we hosted a group of a dozen high school counselors to come visit. Their goal was to visit dozens of universities across the state so they could make informed referrals to their students. Let’s just say, I could tell they hadn't visited many Christian campuses before! One stop on our campus tour included a short presentation by a summer intern in the biology department. At the end of the interns' chat, a high school counselor asked the bright 18-year-old, “How can you believe in God as Creator and study Biology, which essentially proves evolution?”

The student's response was short, articulate, and provocative, at least to me at the time. His answer was simply Why not both? Maybe God used evolution as part of his creation. Maybe the Bible's creation story isn't literal. Maybe not every detail of God's how was written down.

It was the first time I had ever heard this idea, that evolution wasn't an affront to the Christian faith. I was curious but uncomfortable. Was this the 'slow and slippery slope' CS Lewis warned us of, that we might deviate from God's Truth one small act, belief or behavior at a time?

Fast forward, to December 2020. My dad passes me a book called The Language of God by Francis S. Collins, one of the founders of the most astounding scientific advances in human history, the Human Genome Project. It's a tale of an atheist biologist who finds God as he becomes a leading expert in his field. He writes, "The God of the Bible is also the God of the genome. He can be worshipped in the cathedral or in the laboratory. His creation is majestic, awesome, intricate and beautiful - and it cannot be at war with itself." His book shifted my views on evolution in a big way.

My fingers uncurled from my fists, protecting the Truth resting in my palm. I decided to put my thoughts and assumptions about creation and evolution back on the table in front of God.

In 2019 I met a woman at one of my speaking workshops, Kathy Grace, who lived as a man for nearly 12 years. I was captivated by her transparency but especially one question she posed to the group: Who gets to decide what's feminine? She went on to describe our culture's obsession with putting people into a gender box: if you're a man, you must be masculine (and here's how that looks); if you're a female, you must be feminine (and here's how that looks). Images of gender reveal parties flooded my mind, where the baby's identity is represented by a color, blue (must be a boy) or pink (certainly not a boy). Kathy Grace introduced me to a problem I had never considered - that our definitions of masculine and feminine are creating psychological dissonance for those who don't fit neatly in their gender box. It’s creating identity issues.

Around the same time, I was doing my typical habit of scrolling through red carpet photos on Instagram from the latest awards night (Emmys, Oscars etc) and I saw a picture of Billy Porter. Standard black and white tux on the top with a stunning dramatic large dress and train on the bottom. It was a bit startling to see a man in a couture gown. Porter later told Vogue magazine "I grew up loving fashion, but there was a limit to the ways in which I could express myself. When you're black and you're gay, one's masculinity is in question... When I landed a role in Kinky Boots, the experience really grounded me in a way that was so unexpected. Putting on those heels made me feel the most masculine I've ever felt in my life. It was empowering to let that part of myself free."

One of my daughters was sitting over my shoulder when I was scrolling through the red carpet photos. "Mom! Is that a guy wearing a dress?"

Alright, here we go. Because how I talk about people shapes how my daughters think about people.

"Yup. But think about it. Why not!? If he wants to, why shouldn't he? Who said guys can only wear pants and girls are the only ones that can wear dresses?" Her eyebrows raised, head tilted, then she smiled and shrugged. Off to play with Barbies.

But a few weeks ago, I was reading through the Holy Scriptures when I got to a verse that says "A woman must not wear men's clothing, nor a man wear women's clothing..." I could write this off as culturally relevant thousands of years ago in the ancient Far East and not intended to be applied today. Different times, right? Perhaps.

But I committed to emptying everything on the table. God gets the final say no matter what. It felt a bit ridiculous, because I really don't think God is asking me to change what I wear or to stand in judgement of Billy Porter. But I do think God is asking me in this process, ultimately, do I care what He thinks? And if the answer is a sincere yes, if He told me stop wearing pants, would I?

This visual image of turning my ideological pockets inside out and dumping it's contents on a sifting table in the presence of God is keeping me in a posture of ultimate humility. It's not that He will address every item, opinion, Biblical interpretation, belief etc with me. Certainly He may - He gets permission. But right now, as my fingers are grouping letters on the keyboard together to form thoughts with you, I'm having an epiphany.

Maybe it's more about my posture and relationship with Him as my Ultimate Authority and King than about Him straightening out all my erroneous opinions or inaccurate doctrine.

(Quick note, if that inaccurate doctrine is a matter of eternal life or death, I believe our kind God will show us if we have eyes to see and ears to hear.)

God is asking me to live fists open, fingers uncurled. Not because there's no universal Truth to protect, but because God of the Universe protects it, not me.

In loosening my grip, I've already felt three major shifts. First, I’ve identified self-righteousness blind spots. Regardless of good intentions, confirmation bias crept into my spiritual life. I found verses that propped up pre-existing beliefs. I listened to thought leaders that only affirmed my views of God. And then, in a distorted sense of faithfulness and devotion, I closed my fist over those beliefs, where not even God had access to them. Second, I’ve extended significantly more grace with others who disagree. I’m beginning to see how pride, not conviction, keeps me in ideological fights. There’s so much wisdom, beauty and maturity in the ability to ponder the things of God without having to arrive at concrete answers. I feel less defensive and frustrated. I feel more curious. Which is the third outcome of living with a loosened grip. I’ve become more curious and hungry for God. I’m more curious because I’m not on a mission to collect and hoard answers, but rather discover more questions. More wonder, amazement, and humility. And sometimes more confusion. After reading scriptures, mostly in the Old Testament, I slam the book down, and ask, “What the heck God? What was that about?” Curiosity isn’t always fun - but it keeps me leaning in.

God doesn’t ask me to pour out my ideologies on the sifting table because they are all wrong, but in all likelihood, some will be. God may pick something up from the table and hold it up to the light, bringing correction and clarity. His enlightening may require a bold unwavering commitment to a belief that is countercultural - not just defying secular culture, but perhaps our religious ones too. It may cause you to vote differently, become the odd-ball in your workplace, end a relationship, or be seen as the ‘radical’ in your church. If He brings correction, we have a decision to make - who is King? My pastor? Our president? A political party? Western church tradition? Newest cultural shift? My desires or urges?

The invitation is clear and messy.

Come to the table - daily.
Empty your pockets.
God is King.