gay marriage: an honest conversation
"Have your opinions on gay marriage changed over the last 5 years?"
I posed this question to my close (and very conservative) friends while devouring chips, guacamole and sipping strawberry lime margaritas.
I ask because my opinion has changed. Our honest conversation may surprise you. I want to share it with you because...
1. I think people assume how I feel because I'm a conservative
2. I think some conservatives could use a little brain-jog (not to change their minds, but stimulate some questions and honest conversations)
3. I wonder if people in the gay community had any idea these thoughtful conversations happen within Christian circles
Here's a glimpse into our conversation:
"Portlanders haven't passed that in Oregon yet!?"
We all agreed that legalizing gay marriage was likely to happen soon. Everywhere.
It was not a tone of doom and gloom, but just honest observation. We laughed about the fact Oregon wasn't the first. We all know how liberal this state is...
"What does God say?"
I believe the Bible expresses God's intention for marriage to be between a man and a woman.
“If Christians push so hard on making same-sex marriages illegal, because it's a sin in their eyes, why are they not advocating for laws against adultery?"
I acknowledged that there is a sense of unfairness here. We are making one sin bigger than another. Some Christians' response is to make this sin 'heavier' by calling it a habitual sin. My friend passionately pointed out, "What sin isn't habitual? If I lie once when I'm 14, then I'll never lie again?!"
"Is it the role of our government to enforce laws like this - on people's personal choices?"
Being all conservatives, most of us agree that less government is best. Last night I was reading about Iranian Christians fearing for their lives because it's against the law to convert in their Muslim country. Is it the role of government to enforce spiritual laws? If I were being honest, I would say no. It's not the government's role. Was it ever?
"Does the law influence people to avoid homosexual relationships?"
No. They are in relationships - law or no law. The law only limits their benefits and societal definition.
"Aren't we supposed to love?"
If God's main concern with us is that we love and know him, and secondly to love others, then shouldn't that be our priority? I'm not saying to have tolerance towards things we believe are wrong, but I think we should strive towards maturity that can love others while disagreeing with their lifestyles.
I believe many conservatives are displeasing God more by their unloving spirits then if they were to support a gay marriage law.
I said I would be honest... and we did discuss how we would vote.
I would still vote no to legalize gay marriage. This may seem hypocritical, but the truth is, if you are asking for my vote, I will vote based on my faith, because that's the most important thing to me. And based on my faith, I believe marriage was intended between a man and a woman. I simply have to vote based on conviction. And for some people, that reason isn't good enough.
However...
When it's legalized, I will not groan. I will not throw my hands up in disgust. I won't cry Armageddon or claim God is furious. I won't be mad. Again, I believe God wanted us to love each other above all else. And claiming defeat or victory is only perpetuating the 'us verses them' attitude that already plagues Christians and the gay community. Here's the truth: We are all broken in our humanness. And forevermore humans will disagree what is considered sin, or not sin, in the eyes of God.
But this is clear: We are called to simply love him and others. He is big enough to handle the rest.
Driving home that night, after having this conversation, I felt so grateful to have friends who... critically think, commit to values, humbly consider other perspectives, love guacamole, engage honestly, seek God, and prioritize loving others, as God did.