You are not worthy of love

I sell these signs online (not for profit, by the way). We've sold 220 of these particular ones that say You are Worthy of Love (18% of total signs sold).

The sign was inspired by a few things but mostly came out of an awakening via Brene Brown's book The Gifts of Imperfection (go ahead... click on the link to Amazon and purchase it. This blog can wait). I learned in her book that shame says we're not worthy of love. "If people knew _____ about me, they wouldn't like/love me." Shame's a good liar. If you've heard me say several times in the last few months it's because Shame thrives in secret and I won't let it slink back into the shadows. I want to be Shame's kryptonite.

So I put the words "You are worthy of love" on yard signs to defeat shame and thousands of people all over the US have seen this message. But, there's a problem.

You aren't worthy of love. 

When I was in 8th grade, I had straight A's and was an honest head-on-her-shoulders kind of student. Except in Mark's class (is it weird I can't remember my teacher's last name?). In Mark's class I cheated. We were taking a test, I peaked over the shoulder of the person sitting in front of me, and I copied her formula. That sucked.

Because her formula was wrong, so wrong. He graded papers and knew what I did. Soon after, the whole class got a lecture on honesty and cheating - knowing he was really talking to me.

I cheated. 
I was unworthy. 

Also around that time, I loved going to mall (come on, you all loved it too). I remember convincing my mom to drive us 45 minutes to the nearest mall and then being a total B-word in the car. Or if I couldn't find anything I wanted while shopping, my whole attitude would change to ungrateful (because of my disappointment).

I was really mean to my mom. (and she's nearly a saint. Literally. She's a pastor)
I was unworthy. 

In 2005 I got married to my husband Jake. And while you'd love a juicy story of how I've failed him (so many times), let's just say I didn't know how to manage expectations. I had visions of what married life should be like and it was far from reality.

I was often controlling. 
I was unworthy.

This year I was having a conversation with a friend. I'm a think-out-loud person (fun, right?) and accidentally said something hurtful to her unbeknownst to me. Hindsight, ya. It wasn't thoughtful. So I had to apologize. Man, I hated hurting her.

I was insensitive. 
I was unworthy.

I'm sure I've done worse but my transparency only goes so far. Truth is, we've all felt unworthy of love at times. Whether it was small, or perhaps very big. So big maybe a rush of anxiety is flooding your body...

We all fail. Because we are all human. We are all unworthy of beautiful, pure, selfless love.

Except...

I've been reading Thomas Merton's New Seeds of Contemplation (yes, go to Amazon again) and although his writing is deep, it is simple. He had a lot to say about worthiness.

This is worth 2 minutes of your life (and so timely in our country)...

"It is the rankling, tormenting sense of unworthiness that lies at the root of all hate. The man who is able to hate strongly and with quiet conscience is one who is complacently blind to all unworthiness in himself and is serenely capable of seeing all his own wrongs in someone else. But the man who is aware of his own unworthiness and the unworthiness of his brother is tempted with a subtler and more tormenting kind of hate: the general, searing, nauseating hate of everything and everyone, because everything is tainted with unworthiness, everything is unclean, everything is foul with sin. 

What this weak hate really is, is weak love. 

He who cannot love feels unworthy, and at the same time feels that somehow no one is worthy. Perhaps he cannot feel love because he thinks he is unworthy of love and because of that he also thinks no one else is worthy. 

The beginning of the fight against hatred, the basic Christian answer to hatred, is not the commandment to love, but what must necessarily come before in order to make the commandment bearable and comprehensible.  

It's a prior commandment: to believe. 

The root of Christian love is not the will to love,

but the faith that one is loved. 

The faith that one is loved by God. The faith that one is loved by God although unworthy - or, rather, irrespective of one's worth!

In the true Christian vision of God's love, the idea of worthiness loses its significance. 

Revelation of the mercy of God makes the whole problem of worthiness something almost laughable: the discovery that worthiness is of no special consequence (since no one could ever, by himself, be strictly worthy to be loved with such a love) is a true liberation of the spirit. And until this discovery is made, until this liberation has been brought about by the divine mercy, man is imprisoned in hate." 

Dang. God has me beat. He is the shame kryponite.  He says in the Bible that He knows you intimately (that stuff you hide from other people) and He still loves you. He still loves me. Unreal. The Creator of every galaxy says You are worthy of love.

Who am I to argue with Him.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. 

Romans 8:38