You aren't enough
I sell this sticker online. We've sold a lot (well I think 500 is a lot). I personally plastered them all over New York a few weeks ago.
Evidence in SoHo.
We also put this message on our thank you note-cards. Someone liked their card enough to hang it in their store...
But, there's a problem.
You aren't enough.
When I was 14, my brother Jeremy (18) died in a swimming accident. I witnessed the event, along with many of his friends at the lake that day. Over the following weeks and months and years I was made keenly aware I could not face the pain and loss alone. I couldn't muster the strength, perspective and resiliency required to navigate such an awful tragedy, especially as a young teen.
Quick side note: There's this phrase going around that seems to be offered in people's moments of despair. Something about God not giving you anything you can't handle.
That's bull-shish. God didn't hand me devastation because He scoured the earth for someone strong enough and said, 'Ah yes. I'll strike Amy with this tragedy.' That's bad theology and it's wrong. When I don't have the strength, I rely on my community and on my God who says He has what I need to get through it - if I can just fix my eyes on Him long enough to gain strength and perspective. (rant over)
Here are two reasons why you're not enough...
1. You can't do life alone.
When I was young, I desperately needed my village. Someone to hold my head in their lap the night Jeremy died as I wept (thank you, Amy). Someone to play big brother and help me practice driving without my parents (so sorry, Ben). Someone to help me navigate spiritual deserts (I still remember our conversations, Kristi). Someone to make me go to the gym every morning freshman year of college to keep off the freshman-fifteen (here's lookin' at you, Carley).
It feels good to be self sufficient. It feels good to be strong. It feels good to be independent. It feels good to be enough (all things our particular culture praises). But it's a facade.
We need each other.
We need truth-tellers; people to call BS on our pride, foolishness, or self-pity. We need cheerleaders when we're taking brave unknown steps. We need comedic friends when the world feels like it's caving in. We need advocates who challenge us to be compassionate and generous to combat social injustices. We need latte-providers ... you know, the friends who bring you coffee when you're feeling down. Simply put, you alone are not enough.
Fast forward, I'm 33 years old and even more convinced that I need a village. Someone to provide a safe place for me to be raw and real on a weekly basis (thanks to our 'small group family'). Someone to watch my children when I work (Mom, you're just the freakin' best). Someone to let me be playful and silly in one breath and turn on a dime to weepy and deep in the next (you know who you are!). Someone to provide professional counseling (because sometimes you pay to have the right people in your village).
The list goes on. If you have found anything remarkable in me at all, it's a reflection of the people that surround me. (And if you dislike anything about me, blame them too. Seems fair.)
But there's another reason you're not enough.
2. You are a work in progress.
When you feel you have arrived, when you feel that you are indeed enough, the temptation is to stop developing. Stop growing. Stop refining. Stop pushing yourself. Wrong.
Self-acceptance is not a get-out-of-jail-free card.
I used to work with someone difficult. What's worse, they knew it but would say 'This is just who I am.' It was maddening. I applaud their self-acceptance but it became an excuse to not change. I hear this all the time in my current job. As a public speaking coach, I hear people say, "Oh I like speaking in front of people. I can wing it. No big deal." Because of their confidence, they assume they don't need to work on the skills. (Truth: they often have the same negative speaking habits as everyone else.)
'I am enough' can morph into an attitude that says 'Nah. No thanks. I'm good (enough)."
For instance, let's say your partner comes home irritated with work and is totally taking it out on you. You're concerned and hurt by their actions so you ask them to change their behavior/words etc. What if their response is 'Why don't you just accept me the way I am?' or 'Shouldn't I be enough?' While in theory this seems right (we should accept, they should be enough), it's not fair.
It's not fair because your actions effect others, especially in personal relationships, and we should be able to make requests of each other when we're concerned or hurt, right?
On the flip side... some people suck and want to belittle you, shame you, and are probably vomiting their own unhappiness on you. Boo. Don't put up with that nonsense.
Our challenge is discernment.
Understanding when to be self-sufficient or when we need to ask for help. Understanding when we are getting defensive (aren't I good enough?) or when we can work to improve ourselves.
Some of us have shame, a familiar old friend, whispering to our hearts things like 'I'm a failure. I'm never good enough.' If that's case, I have something I want to share.
You are strong. You are capable. You are not alone.
You are enough.
See what I did there? Well, that's confusing.
You can buy tanks, sweatshirts and tees like this at matterapparel.com!