4 years of marriage...

I joke that the last 4 years feels like 30. People laugh but I'm not really joking. I dont really remember what it's like to be single- get my own way - or sleep alone (although sadly I did plenty of that the last 4 years with Jake working out of town a lot). But within 1460 days we've become different people.

I'm more critical and patient.
Jake's more independent and compassionate.
We're not the young teenagers confused and in love.
We're evolving adults- struggling to nail down careers and start a family.

We've had SO many speed bumps the first few years. With living far away (in terribly remote places), dealing with family heart ache, accepting each other's flaws (both being stubborn), and facing extremely difficult personal challenges... In the midst of doubting our individual purposes, experiencing spiritual deserts, and living for weeks apart quite frequently.

It's not been easy. I'll be the first to admit. There were days when I wanted to give up. It was too exhausting. Not necessarily just Jake ...although he can be exhausting :)... but being a wife- living up to expectations- and being selfless all the time. It's extremely hard. And I didn't anticipate that. That honeymoon period- the floating on clouds- we never got that. From day 1 we were moving to Central Oregon away from everything we knew.

But Jake and I's love is deep. It's rooted so deep, that nothing the last 4 years has made us stop loving each other. People say our 'speedbumps' have made us stronger- I think the jury is still out. But I know that I love this man. I can't help but snuggle even after fighting. I try to join him in his single recliner even though I don't fit. I find my feet snuggling with his in the middle of the night. His cologne still makes my heart skip a bit. Hearing his big ol' truck roaring into the drive way sends my heart racing. I chuckle while finding toothpicks or small knives around the house in the wierdest places. These things I can't help. They take over without me thinking. Because I love him so much.

So it's been hard. At times it has seemed unbearable. But love perseveres... endures... and overcomes it all. And I have a feeling that we're about to head into a season of blessings, and joy... and opportunity to love each other even more. I love you Jacob Michael. Always will. No matter what. THAT's what marriage is. Not that floating on clouds business :) Deep feet-snuggling love.

4 years ago today: