Ken's Corner: When We Mess Up

Well it's inevitable. You're going to mess up. You're going to get angry. You're going to say something you shouldn't.

We all do it.

Which is why it's important to know what do afterwards.

Ken suggested these things to communicate to your spouse when you mess up:
1. Recap what happened (the issue)
2. Empathize with how it probably made the other person feel
3. State what you should have done differently
4. And practice doing it right

Ken suggested truly role playing like you're back in the disagreement and choosing to react/speak differently. Jake and I both thought this was kinda bizarre. But the thought here is to practice doing it right instead of just talking about how you did it wrong. Power of Practice, he calls it. Buildling 'habit strength' (yes, I'm dropping counsling lingo to sound smart. Is it working!?!?).

And that's truly the challenge. To break years of 'doing it wrong' and, when it matters most, doing it right. It takes a lot of clear thinking, self control, and humility.

So the lesson for those of us who are comfortable in our old unproductive ways: practice, practice, practice! (Wow. That brings back memories of my piano lesson years...)