Ken's Corner - Talking

Last Friday I wrote about listening. Not my strength.

But today I'm writing what I've learned about talking (my fav), particularly in a difficult conversation but I think this can apply to any purposeful conversation.

Be prepared. I think Ken gets kick-backs from paper companies because he is constantly saying "okay pull out a pen and note pad and write your thoughts down". Truth is, when we write (or type), we're being thoughtful and aware of our thoughts and feelings. So before I want to approach Jake about something, I write down my thoughts. It makes me more efficient with my words, with Jake appreciates. A ton. (who knew- I can get get wordy and lengthy! Ok- that's no surprise.)

Plan to talk. Jake and I have scheduled times we can talk through difficult issues. This ensures he doesn't feel bombarded by my desire to 'have a talk' the minute he walks in the door and also prepares us to be thoughtful instead of jumping into a conversation that might be hard. We also say, if we're talking longer than 30 minutes, it's probably going to become tiring and unproductive. So we plan for only 30 minutes max. (sounds formal but I've noticed it makes us dread confronting issues less when we know it's going to be short and productive).

Let the talking begin...

Issue. State what's on my mind. (brief, prepared, articulate thoughts)

Feelings. How it makes me feel.

Requests. My suggestions for change, beginning with a request I make of myself regarding the issue and then requests I'm making of Jake to solve the issue. This might be offering compromises so we both have peace and agreements around an issue (little or big).

All the while, the listener is taking notes, understanding, making sense, empathizing and repeating it back.

Again, some of you are yawning. I get it. But again, this process changed us. We've fallen in and out of this routine but when we're fully committed to this process, it totally works and brings us together on the same page.

Now you switch! You're the listener now...
It's like tag! But perhaps less fun.