For five years I’ve felt like a wooden raft adrift in a sea of thrashing waves. They’re tearing me apart. I can’t catch my breath before I’m pummeled by the next one. There’s no hope. It’s dark. I’m cold and wet. And I want out. I want out of this turbulent marriage.

I’ve learned that, tucked between full houses and four-of-a-kinds, can come the most inspirational stories from my 86 year old, under-5-foot-and-stil-shrinking, Grandma Vi. Today was no exception. She paused with the dice in her hands and began to tell a story from a few weeks ago…

Our 'train left the station'. Or so it sometimes seems. How many times we watched it go by. Hope deflated from our dreams.

We've had SO many speed bumps the first few years. With living far away (in terribly remote places), dealing with family heart ache…

I refuse to be mindless in any faith I possess.I refuse to swallow whatever is spoon-fed me.I will be mindful. I will challenge. I will ask.

This may seem impersonal- a public blast of very personal thank you’s. But as you read, I hope you remember the little things people have done for you…

I was 16. Jake was 15. I was sophomore. Jake was a freshman.My best friend was Melissa Bisset. Jake had a crush on Melissa Bisset.

1 Travel to Greece with Jake
2 Girls trip to New York
3 Take a private airplane ride somewhere

I think it’s been hard this week because I remember that pain like it was yesterday. Only it was 10 years ago on August 9th when I witnessed the drowning of my brother, Jeremy.

So last week I attempted to live as if Jesus was coming back on Sunday. I can’t way that I changed much last week. I wrote some letters to people I love the most… but how would I live differently?

It was about 17 hours after Jeremy died; approximately 8am on August 10, 1998. I just woke up from spending the night in my parents' bed. We sobbed all night in shock and grief. I eventually dozed off out of sheer exhaustion. My parents weren't so lucky. They were up all night. It was their sobbing I first heard when I woke.