Approach is everything. "It's not what you say but how you say it." Someone smart made that up. They're right.

Despite knowing it was going to be difficult, despite feeling insecure about a bald head, despite the significance of this milestone in her journey - she invited her close friends to a head shaving 'party'.

It's been 7 days. Here's the update... (I promise no gross details!) Birth Story - the short version!

The grenade markings are still on the ground by the front doors. The tin roof is still riddled with bullet holes- allowing thin beams of sun into the brick church sanctuary. The linen laying over the alter is still stained with blood.

Here's my theory: We have the same eternal needs (our own brokenness, wounds, sin, and struggles) but we (including me) have more means to distract ourselves from them.

We sat there disappointed. Eager to serve these kids. Then these words popped into my mind. Listening blesses them. 

I couldn't pass up an opportunity to share something encouraging when I had 50 pastors in the room that I will never see again. So I shared with them this very simple message:

"Have your opinions on gay marriage changed over the last 5 years?" I posed this question to my close (and very conservative) friends while devouring chips, guacamole and sipping strawberry lime margaritas.

It wasn’t long until we were both sitting down at her dining room table, store brand soda in hand, listening to her stories. For some reason, this particular afternoon, they moved me deeply.

Sometimes at night I come in your room
Sit by your bed, and stare at you
You blink those heavy eyes.
You’re sleepy shy

I've always been more of a truth-follower. Black and white. Living this way has put me at odds with our culture, which is much more focused on one aspect of grace: acceptance. 'Let's all be open minded'.

'Life goals' seem daunting. For a driver like me, I can't check them off fast enough, so I don't bother making a list. But in our small group the last few months I've been inspired…

Well it's inevitable. You're going to mess up. You're going to get angry. You're going to say something you shouldn't. We all do it.Which is why it's important to know what do afterwards.

Sometimes we'd communicate well, understand one another, empathize with each other, and still not come to an agreement we both could authentically make around an issue. It felt very much like a stalemate.

Ken (our counselor) suggests living by the five to one rule. For every one one challenging or difficult conversation, do five encouraging things to/for that person.

But a month ago Ken encouraged me to accept an issue that has very much felt like a 'thorn in my side' but was completely out of my control.

Last Friday I wrote about listening. Not my strength.But today I'm writing what I've learned about talking (my fav), particularly in a difficult conversation but I think this can apply to any purposeful conversation.

Listening.Gosh. Just not my fortay. But I'm learning A TON about it. This applies to my friendships, not just my marriage.

There are three reasons for this series: 1. I might save you a co-pay (or therapy session fee) by sharing what I'm learning or have learned. 2. It forces me to be thoughtful about what I'm learning

As part of my normal routine, I pick up the pen and write my own entry. Eventually I pack up, putting the journal away, and hover over his gravesite. Deep sigh. It's been a long time, Jer.